Extended Absences

I meant to write so much sooner. To capture every moment and share something meaningful or profound. But life happened, and happens, and at times getting home was all I could do after the longest days.

Things out of my control thrust themselves forward as priority. Things in my control took precedent. And as every day, then week, then month passed by, all of the things I wanted to write about––all the things I wanted to share––got swept under the rug, until it was embarrassing to think about how backlogged it would all be, how behind I would seem.

Five months of recap from grad school; events and special moments from my life. Ramblings about books and publishing and the history of baked bread.

The last five months of grad school were tough, but I’m stronger for making it through them. In my personal life and around the people closest to me there was death, cancer, my engagement, an internship at an imprint of my dream publisher. All big things, all important things. But as one was left behind, how could I say the next was more important? The topics snowballed. And then thinking about this space became just another stressful place that reminded me that I wasn’t writing for fun any more. That I was in a place where emotions weren’t processing; that I was in a place where I worried how numb I felt. All in five months.

It’s only been five months since I last blogged, but I feel that life has given me more “content” than I could ever recap here. But I want to be back here. And for the last couple weeks, I’ve been feeling like I finally can be. Part of that will mean accepting that I can’t go back––that those drafts are better discarded––and the other part of that will mean being okay with that.

Life happened. It happened in a desperately immediate and present way. As it should. And not all of life needs to be captured in words.

So, while a lot of tough and complicated and stressful things have happened, I won’t relate them. I’ve spent enough time in their company. It’s time to move forward. It’s time to appreciate and be excited about the good, and it’s time to be back here, writing––not with the rigor of a weekly schedule, and the rat race for social media followers and such. It’s time to write for myself again.

And so I will.

It’s good to be back.

Easter Sunday Walk 2017-10

13 thoughts on “Extended Absences

  1. Welcome back. I do know the feeling of having so much to say and not putting it down. But living life is more important than sharing it here, at least in my opinion. I enjoy your posts when they do occur.

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  2. Welcome back, Ariel. And I’m glad you’re not stressing about the absence.

    I used to blog almost daily about my garden, before blogs were called blogs. It was my garden journal that I kept online. I loved doing all that. Then, my life changed. I became a grandparent, I had heart attacks, cancer, helped Gene take his cue business international by being his buyer, webmaster, office manager, event scheduler, marketing specialist, etc. Time was tighter, subjects were overwhelming, and the garden was never replanted after we moved away. Until 2005, I’d almost always had a garden of some size, but not since then. I’m hoping to make some changes to that, this year. I do miss my garden!

    Now, I have my blog/website. It’s not about the garden. It’s mostly about what’s going on with me, or what I want to share with the writing community. I don’t blog about writing or editing, because there is way too much of that online, already. (My opinion, of course.)

    My life has been crazy. I didn’t realize you’d been away so long. It will be nice to have you back here to read, once in a while.

    Welcome back.

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  3. Welcome back!

    Congratulations on your engagement, to you both.

    I am sorry life has been overwhelming and hard and sad, but I hope that, like your engagement, also has been full of good, happy, motivating, satisfying things.

    I’m glad you are here, now.

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  4. Happy to have you back, dear. One of the biggest things bloggers seem to get caught up in (myself included) is feeling like we MUST keep to a schedule, catch up the backlog, be a certain something… but the reality is that if we don’t enjoy it there’s no sense in forcing ourselves through it. So I am glad you are back and on your own terms and that you are letting go of all the silly digital ‘should haves’ and instead moving forward with a fresh slate, at least as far as we’re concerned here. Share with us what you will in your own way and in your own time and we will be happy to be a part of it. And most importantly, keep taking care of yourself and your loved ones. =)

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  5. And it’s good to have you back, although I’m sorry to hear about some ot the bad things that happened to you. I know about a couple of them…
    But it’s good to hear abotu the good things too, and especially that we’ll be hearign from you a lot more soon.
    Welcome back 🙂

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  6. I had to stop and cheer when I read the word “engagement.” Congratulations, Ariel! But a lot of other things happened, too (and not all of them positive or happy), and I can only imagine how you’re still trying to catch your breath psychologically from it all. Your new attitude to help you get back in the blogging spirit – to write for you, first and foremost – gets two thumbs up from me. 🙂

    It’s good to have you back!

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  7. It’s nice to walk away and really allow oneself to be immersed in life. And not write about it.
    Will you be in Vancouver for awhile or after the program is done, it’s somewhere else?

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    1. Hi Jean!

      Yeah, it’s been nutty since I started my internship and started writing my final report… I am writing, haha, just not here! I will be in Vancouver for the foreseeable future, as my partner is still working on her undergrad degree and it’s difficult to switch schools in the middle without losing units. After that…. who knows! Maybe Toronto? Berkeley? Wherever the book pages take me. 🙂

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