I’ve recently started looking into getting my B.C. driver’s license, and it got me nostalgic for the days I used to spend on the road with my family. The trips I took my partner on when we first started dating. But mainly, I miss the quiet and narrow of the highway lanes, and the sense of peace that washed over me when all other distractions melted away.
Things have been rough lately, for a multitude of reasons. After so many years of being able to see the path clearly, it feels now like I’m driving in a dense fog on unpaved and unmapped terrain, and I crave some sense of normalcy again. For the first time in my adult life, I’ve really been at the mercy of kindness and compassion from strangers and friends and family, and it’s been deeply humbling.
But, with so many forces out there working hard to get us out of this ditch, I’m starting to see the fog clear a bit.
NJ and I recently found a new apartment, and we get to move in the first week of August. It’s quirky and sweet, in a quiet neighborhood, and will afford us some much-needed recoup time before school starts. It’s also, strangely, reminiscent of the English school we taught at in Japan. Perhaps with gaily-colored rooms, even more of the fog we feel mired in will dissipate. (Even if the shower is red as crimson, and showering will feel like being deep inside a jugular vein.)
All of this to say that moving, like all good things in life, is a long road. There’s a certain loss of identity, now that I’m not in Japan, which I’m coping with slowly, but I didn’t necessarily expect upon leaving that part of the world. But I am driven to evolve, and discover new parts of myself, here on this blog, and in the real world.
If I had to say the fumble came from anywhere, it came from going backwards, instead of forging a new road. The new apartment, in a different town (and unconnected to old nostalgia), will provide us a new road going forward; one I’m confident we can navigate.
While we didn’t necessarily expect to be moving again so soon, the good news is that we’re still basically packed from Japan. I guess we were having trouble settling because we just felt it wasn’t going to happen where we are now.
In any case, I need to get back to my driver’s manual…. B.C. has a crazy-complicated tiered-driving system, which I am glad to learn I am exempt from, since I have a clean driving record in California, even though my license is expired. If I can get my license by August 1st, NJ and I will basically be able to move ourselves!
That would be a pleasant, self-sufficient win for the summer.